Took the dog for a walk tonight. It was a beautiful, less humid night in my little subdivision. I borrowed Val’s big white headphones and turned on the Lyle Lovett radio station on Spotify.
(I have loved Lyle Lovett since college. I’ve seen him in concert a bunch of times.I named my first cat after him. I got the chance to meet him in Chicago and he signed my CD while I fan-girled out. My friend Tracy got to watch that happen.)
As I was saying, his music affects me, in mostly good ways. So, the radio station played some other artists like Steve Earle, John Prine, Emmylou Harris, and Willie Nelson. I was feeling pretty good tonight, mentally speaking. The new dose of depression meds are kicking in and I have energy and hope again.
For those of you who have never dealt with the beast that is clinical depression, you might not understand how important that last sentence was. I’m in a much better place than I was during the first part of 2016.
I didn’t realize just how relieved I am to be feeling better until I heard the Willie Nelson version of the Pearl Jam song “Just Breathe.”
I’m walking my dog in the deserted, flooded park. The clouds are magnificent, pink and white with dusk settling in. My dog is milling around, sniffing mulch, running in the ginormous puddles…and then that song comes on.
And I’m staring at the clouds with tears streaming down my face, so happy that I’m still around.
Practiced on our sins
Never gonna let me win, uh huh
Just another human being, uh huh
Yeah, I don’t want to hurt
There’s so much in this world
To make me bleed
Stay with me
You’re all I see
Did I say that I need you?
Did I say that I want you?
Oh if I didn’t, I’m a fool you see
No one knows this more than me
As I come clean